Last night I was stranded on the Toyoko line for an hour, waiting for the worst of the typhoon to pass, after the last of a series of long days and nights of work events. While listening to the wild winds buffet the train, my thoughts turned philosophical (perhaps aided by the rather large G&T which one of the attendees foisted on me).
One of my friends here has a boyfriend (although I am not sure if that is the best term to use for him) she only sees once a month. He lives 20 minutes away, but is always 'too busy' to meet and doesn't want to come by the sharehouse. Personally, these sound like incredibly lame excuses, but she swallows them whole.
With long work hours and commutes, I understand that meeting once a week may be the max for many people, especially if you want to maintain a decent social life. But unless you are in a long distance relationship, once a month sounds kind of silly...can you really consider someone who does not call you or try to meet with you a boyfriend/girlfriend?
However, this seems to be a common arrangement. A couple of my sharemates are in the same situation, and one of them is male! Is it that meeting once a month is enough for them, or are they afraid to be hated if they ask for more time? I cannot help but remember what my mother once said: If you really care for someone, you will do anything just to spend a few hours with them.
Strange how a few words can influence one so deeply, especially as she was speaking to someone else, but I took those words to heart. I have flown to another EU country when the object of my affection was passing through there, and been visited on less than 12 hours notice by the same person. Flown back and forth between Japan and London, taken night buses and shinkansen between Kobe and Tokyo. I do not regret any of it.
I am not willing to settle for someone who 'allows me' (as my friend said) to meet them, and is not willing to put in work and effort. I analyze everything to death (thank you, liberal arts education), but still feel that knowing that someone will drop everything to come be with you or help you ranks much higher than money, looks, status or even attraction.
Enough pondering now... thankfully there is a Hash tonight, nothing like a 8k run to relieve one of overly convoluted thoughts!