Romance is in the eye of the beholder

I am told that 'Japanese men just aren't romantic'... well, to tell the truth I have no idea, as my demographic samples are quite limited. Still, I think romance is very much in the eye of the beholder. Red roses are nice, but they can be bought. Those little things that don't involve a wallet are often far better.

Here are a few things I find incredibly thoughtful, and even romantic (in an odd, non-media conforming way):

1- 'The bed is yours'

When I'm sick, I mainly just want space, to huddle under covers and wait for my immune system to win its battle against the evil invading germs. Although I have never vocalized this, Matcha-kun will still decamp to our tatami room, and leave me the whole bed to myself, 'So you can sleep deeply and not worry about waking me up'. He provides me with medicine, food and water too, but this particular gesture is so very much appreciated.

2- Dish Washing

I hate washing dishes, getting my hands dirty and poked by cutlery. Eeew. But since moving in together, I can literally count the times I have had to wash dishes on one hand. Okay, so it drives me up the wall when he doesn't overturn the cups and bowls (the water can't run out, aaaah) but not having to do a hated chore is a real gift.

3- 'As you wish'

I am a bit...stubborn. Bossy? Assertive? A combination of the three? Topped with a strong desire to See All The Things, this makes me a bit difficult to travel or walk around a city with. And yet, no matter what weird thing it is I have decided to do (see the extremely difficult-to-find tomb of Ogino Ginko, look for vegan burgers in Shinjuku etc...) he comes along with a smile and a great deal of patience (did I mention that I also have no sense of direction?). This support means the world to me.

Does anyone else have these types of weird gestures they wish to share?

3 Years On

Due to a friend's question about exactly when Matcha-kun and I started dating, I realized it has now been 3 years... give or take a bit.

That odd 'bit' is due to a couple reasons. The first being that I am terrible at remembering dates and anniversaries. Hence, my mental image and timeline of our dating is a biiiiit fuzzy.

The second is that, being two very different types, we have different concepts of when our relationship started.

Matcha-kun, in typical decisive Matcha-kun fashion, feels that we started our relationship on the first date. I, being more cautious and undecided, think that it was closer to the 7th or 8th. Not that it truly matters, but it does make for an amusing conversation.

My coworkers seem vaguely concerned about this. It is commonly thought that women are the ones that care about anniversaries, special holidays and other 'romantic' dates. But really, I don't mind. I much prefer daily kindness and care to a few expensive dates throughout the year.

And when does a relationship truly start anyway? First kiss? After an explicit agreement? After surviving the first fight? I think there are various stages in any long term relationship, and those transitions are equally worthy of being remembered...even if you can't pinpoint an exact date.

Dating in Japan: Moving In

The common reaction I got/get when telling local friends or coworkers that I moved in with Matcha-kun are a bit bemusing. Basically, they can be summed up as:

'OMG! He proposed! *squeeee* You are getting married, OMG when is the wedding?!? Show me your riiiing...wait, where is your ring?!'

Uh, whoa. I didn't realize we had slipped back in time to the 50's, when sharing a dwelling was equated with matrimony.

Besides the repeated necessity to explain that cohabitation and marriage can indeed be separate things, I think the Matcha- Godzilla household is proceeding quite well. For the most part things go along smoothly, with much silly dancing and weird noises by both parties. Occasionally we spat, about things like laundry drying and other such world shaking matters, but resolve things quickly with a minimum of nastiness.

For the most part we are both flexible about things, although I must say he is more amenable than I. It probably comes from having several siblings. While I am not always good with change, he takes it in stride. And while I am better at creative problem solving and spatial reasoning (very important when it comes to furniture and textiles), he is better at more concrete issues... and of course anything that requires reading complicated kanji.

Like many intercultural couples before us, we realize communication is key. Sometimes you literally have to spell out what you are thinking, because the 'default mode' just doesn't work. Obviously this is not just a cultural thing, but it becomes more pronounced. 

Household duties have been divided fairly, so the apartment is usually quite respectable looking. Since cooking daily is not something either of us is interested in doing, we make a few large batches on the weekends, supplemented by a couple meals by me during the week. And on weekends, he makes fancy vegan pancakes and other yummy things (yay!) And does all the dishes (more yay!), because I hate dishes and prefer doing laundry.

There will always be points of contention (like his insistence of leaving suits airing all over the place, or my annoyingly early alarm clock) but such is life. On the whole we have a good time watching odd dorama online (like Shinya Shokudo or Kodoku no Gurume... yes, food porn), running around the cit, eating far too much French bread and being silly.

Not earthshaking, and that is (in the words of Martha Stewart) a GOOD thing. 

Dating in Japan: Reactions

Notice: While I am dealing with the whole moving process, I will be bringing back a few of my most popular posts for an airing. Once things have settled down a bit more, I will be back to regular posting.

One of the unexpected parts of dating Japanese guys is the reaction one gets from women. I am well-aware that the Asian Male/Non-Asian Female couple is still considered a bit of a minority in the relationship arena, so knew that people might be a bit surprised. However I did not expect to hear from my Japanese female friends:

'Why would you date them?! Japanese guys aren't nice!'

Really? In all the countries I have lived in and visited, I have never experienced such widespread disparagement about the local males (except perhaps Italy).

I find this very odd because, unless for some reason I am only aquainted the best of the bunch, I have found most of my male aquaintances here to be perfectly nice, likeable people. Infact, comparing with my home country, I would say there is a higher rate of respectful men here.

Perhaps this is because I don't play into the roles so many women think they need to take on to have a relationship. While for the first couple dates I may be a bit more demure (Rule #1: It is impolite to broadcast your personal craziness indiscriminately), that soon fades away, and the full force of my personality is apparent. Take it or leave it, honey.

As I see it, if you act like a burikko, you are going to attract people who are into being the powerful one in a relationship. If you give your power away so freely, you have a much higher chance of ending up with a nasty boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever.

I am opinionated, silly and outspoken. I demand respect, and will immediately take someone to task if they say something I do/say/believe is because I am female/gaijin(hate that word)/whatever. I pay my part of the bill, and do not expect to be treated differently. And, lo and behold, guys don't flee from me... quite the opposite. I stick to the idea that people are people, wherever you go.

Other positive and negative reactions I have experienced so far and their common perpetrators (sheesh, this is starting to sound like some kind of primer!) are:

- Being photographed without you or your partner's consent, usually by elderly Japanese men with overly large cameras
- Being asked about 'size', interestingly from both Asian and non-Asian men (sorry, I have not conducted a full demographic study on the matter, nor do I intend to)
- Joy on the part of cafe owners ( 'Ya'll look so stylish, please sit near the window'!)
- Giggling high schoolers of both genders (minds=blown)
- Reaaally annoying the Nationalist guys in the nasty black trucks, especially when you start giggling at their ridiculous proclamations (Note: this is also a solo sport)
- Being told 'your children will be sooo cute' by women of all ages (eeesh...any 'children' I have will be furry, four-footed, and infinitely more adorable than a human child)

As with all dating, at times amusing, at times exasperating. All I can say is that, personally, so far there have been a lot of fun, respectful times!

Guest Post: The Trials and Tribulations of Dating in Japan

Today we have a guest post from a friend of mine, Seira, who has some entertaining (at least for us) dating stories to share! You can find her blog at translatorytokyo.wordpress.com.

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So far, my only real "dating" experience has been in Tokyo. I'm 28 and until a year ago I was in a mostly long-distance relationship with another American, but we broke up after six years together. He was my first boyfriend and I'd never done the whole dating thing before him. 

A couple months after the breakup, I was ready to get back out there, so I dusted off my Okcupid profile and started talking to guys and going on dates. Pretty soon, all things considered, I found someone who I liked and who asked me to be his girlfriend. Voila', my very first Japanese boyfriend. We only dated for three months though, and I broke up with him shortly after Valentine's Day. This was mostly because: he neglected me as soon as his job got busy, was obsessed with his own success, acted weirdly controlling sometimes (telling me I should shave my arm hair, not complain in Japanese in public, and only give him my half of the bill after the cashier couldn't see us anymore), and would defend Japanese people's biased treatment of me as perfectly logical.

Since then, I've gone on quite a few dates. But, it's getting to be ridiculous. I'd like to find a cute, fit, nice boyfriend I can go on regular dates with, but it's just not happening. In the meantime, here are a few examples of the gentlemen (?) I have met over the past six months or so.

Shortly after breaking up with my ex I installed Tinder on my phone. At first, it was great - so many hot guys! So much fun swiping! But after going on some Tinder dates, the truth was revealed (dun dun DUN!).

My first-ever Tinder date was with a Japanese med student, and it was an eye-opener. We met at the station on a weeknight and I was pleased because he was pretty cute in person. We had fun talking and flirting at an izakaya, when suddenly he leaned across the table and kissed me! Into it, I suggested we go walk around nearby Inokashira Park. Let's just say we weren't the only couple there... but the evening ended (relatively) chastely. We even met again the following weekend. 

I wasn't expecting much, but he messaged me soon after to say that it was rare for him to have that free time, and from now on he was going to be too busy with his tennis club to be able to see me again *eyeroll*. That last part ("sorry babe, too busy with tennis club to meet up again, ever") makes quite the story though. I've already amused some Japanese coworkers with it (leaving out the earlier bits, of course).

The next interesting character was an American working for a vinyl-toy maker. I guess this one's kind of ongoing, but who knows! During our two dates he talked a lot about  the toy industry world in Tokyo and abroad, which I found mildly entertaining. However, the kicker was at the end of the second date. I was expecting us to hug goodbye or something, but instead he stuck out his hand. For a handshake. I shook it and we went our separate ways.

I mean, a handshake?! I gave him up as a lost cause. But, a few months after that second date, we met up again for cute animal-decorated doughnuts. Still not sure what to make of him though.

After getting sick of the hook-up nature of Tinder, I went back to OKCupid. 

The next one was particularly weird, as on our first date he told me he had schizophrenia and a few other issues (Asperger's etc), so I probably dodged a bullet. At first he mispronounced schizophrenia, so I had no idea what he was trying to say, and then when I got it I was just shocked. I've always thought of it as a fairly serious disorder. All I could ask was if he was on meds, because usually you need them. He said he wasn't and was having trouble with his psychiatrist. This was at a cute restaurant in Shibuya, after he had picked me up in his car (well, family/parents' car - and his license was about to get revoked for speeding) near my workplace. I later found out that (unless he was lying to me) it had been 5 years since he'd had sex with someone. Yeah...

I even ended up referring him to my psychiatrist!

Finally, for the end of this brief introduction to my dating disasters, we come to the section I like to call: 'finance guys don't like me'. In pre-date chatting and messaging, we'd discovered that he'd studied abroad during high school in my home state and within 25 miles of where I grew up, so that seemed like a cool connection. He'd gone to Yale for college and had basically perfect English. We met on a Saturday afternoon in Kagurazaka, and I think it became clear to both of us pretty early that there was no spark, physically or mentally. He just came off totally humorless and I'm sure I seemed illogical and incomprehensible to him (as demonstrated by his remark "wait, you sleep in until 2 or 3 O'CLOCK on weekends?!"). So, nope. Nope, nope, nope.

So, there we have it. Anyone have any advice? What am I doing wrong? Anyone you want to introduce me to? Any cute, single boys out there? ;)

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Thanks Seira! If anyone has ideas for her, leave them in the comments!

Dating in Japan: Feminism and Being the Odd One Out

Dating in Japan as a rather fervent feminist is a constant education in boundaries. 

How far does one bend, to adjust to cultural differences? How to gently make your position crystal clear, when your significant other is trying to be kind, but missing the mark? When to make a stand, and when to save your comments for another time?

Having now been in a relationship with Matcha-kun for two and a half years (whoa!), I can definitely see how he has changed over time, as he has absorbed a great deal of information on issues that are important to me. An understanding of women's issues, accepting my strong views on vegetarianism, better knowledge of non-binary gender and sexuality issues... his willingness to learn about these often uncomfortable subjects is one of the many reasons we are still in a relationship.

Of the two, he is definitely the more easygoing one, a true grace for me, as I am very intense and stubborn. I know that I must drive him absolutely nuts sometimes, but nonetheless he doesn't run.

But surrounding cultural norms, and the opinions I hear from other people, often still make my (metaphorical) hackles rise.

However I look at it the issues seem to boil down to money, or rather economic independence.

When I was pondering a career move, which might mean that I would be without work for a bit, the various reactions I got were highly annoying. Matcha-kun, thinking he was being kind, kept on reiterating that it would be okay, he would support me economically. I tried to gently deflect this line of thought, until eventually I had to take a much firmer stance. 

He is not responsible for supporting me, I am in charge of me. Whatever decisions I make, I will take responsibility for them, and making a living is on the forefront of that list. It is very hard to explain to someone, who is obviously trying to be reassuring, why this ticks me off so much.

From the Greek chorus I live with, the comments seemed to focus on how, should I have any financial or visa issues, I should get married. Again, this bothers me. The concept of using someone for their money disturbs me, as does the idea of giving up all my independence (and hard earned skills) just because I might potentially have a slightly rocky couple of months.

I take great pride in fending for myself, and do not see economic dependence as something to aspire to. Being by myself is not frightening, and in this there is strength. I do not seek someone who will take care of me, but rather someone who will be an equal partner in crime. 

These stances make me (and others who have similar affinities) stand out among many of my circle of acquaintances. A belief in true equality makes one a bit of an outlier here, and sometimes it seems the breaking point is near. And other times you need to restrain yourself from slapping people.

But fortunately at least with Matcha-kun we both bend but do not break, like my neighbor's majestic bamboo during typhoon season.

Dating in Japan: Lessons in Communication

Try as you might, in any relationship there will be instances of miscommunication. However, when the two (or however many) people involved are native speakers of two different languages, brought up in very different cultures, with different ideas about context, the possibilities for missing the mark grow exponentially.

I went over to Nagano with Matcha-kun to spend New Years with his family. Things started out a bit off, as I ended up getting to my station early, and let Matcha-kun know that I would go on ahead. In my message I did not include where we would meet, since I assumed that we would do so at the place we had discussed previously. 20 minutes later a flustered Matcha-kun showed up at the norikae station, having rushed over, looking rather annoyed.

Lesson 1: Although Japan is a high context society, it is best to spell things out clearly, just to avoid confusion.

We got to Nagano safely, and headed over to his grandmother's house for dinner. Having met most of his family previously the ackwardness was kept to a minimum, and I finally got to meet his younger brother as well. We chatted and munched on awesome food (including the family recipe, tomato spaghetti springrolls), generally having a great time. His mother drove me back to the hotel, and I asked if I could bring anything for dinner on the 31st.

Next day, over lunch at the beautiful Fujiya Gohonjin, Matcha-kun informed me that since his father had to work on the 31st there would be no get-together that evening. A combination of stress, embarassment, shock at not being told beforehand and trepidation at being alone for NYE, led to me bursting into tears in the middle of the Fujiya's lovely dining room. A bit of an overreaction, especially since we ended up having a nice evening, but nonetheless...

Lesson 2: Make sure plans are properly discussed beforehand, with clarifications if it seems that either party is a bit confused.

Fortunately, Lesson 3 was more successful: Sometimes you have to bite your tongue to maintain harmony.

While I am usually opinionated, especially when I hear ignorant comments, there is a time and a place for everything. It is not polite for me to reel away from baby pictures (yup, I am even uninterested in the baby pics of my beloved), tell people to let up about family members' weight or go into great detail about why I don't eat meat. This lesson also includes more daily interactions, picking your battles and being supportive, even when sometimes you are not terribly interested in your significant other's hobbies.

I guess none of these points are exclusive to Japan, but the trip to Nagano was a good reminder to not get complacent!

Dating in Japan: Meet the Parents (part two)



Mea culpa, kind readers. Despite August's image of being an empty time spent listening to the shrill cry of cicadas in the heat, I have been busy (and partially defeated by the weather).

 

After first freaking out about the potentiality of meeting Matcha-kun's parents way back in December, I eventually chilled out about the whole thing. Since I would be using a few days during Obon to escape to Hakuba, we decided that it was time for the day of judgement (dun,dun,DUN!... just kidding).

 

I am happy to say that it was pleasantly uneventful and non-traumatic for everyone involved. Matcha-kun's mother was friendly, his father only slightly bemused. I was then taken around to all the various grandparents... apparently they did not tell one of his grandmothers that I am not Japanese, as a surprise. She was only slightly taken aback, and further confirmed my theory that grandmothers all over the world are basically the same, when she pronounced 'お人形さんみたい！' ('you look like a doll!'... which is exactly what my grandmother does).

I got a tour of his family's apple orchard, which was  rather cool, and even received one of the semi-ripe apples (which was surprisingly tasty and sweet!). All in all a good visit, and it seems I made a good impression. For anyone else preparing themselves for this kind of situation, I think there are a few pointers that would be helpful (independant of nationality):

1- You don't need to alter your style dramatically, but go with the most simple, moderate side of your looks.
2- Come bearing gifts. Keep them small and edible, as anything too flashy will make people feel uncomfortable.
3- Obviously (I hope) be polite, and answer odd questions as kindly and seriously as possible (for example: 'Do you have tatami floors in Europe?' or 'Do you eat jam?')
4- Your significant other's family is probably just as nervous as you are, so do your best to relax.

After the niceties had been completed, we went into Nagano city to see Zenkouji, wander the preserved Meiji streets and (of course) have the famous local soba for lunch.

Zenkouji is a rather impressive temple, reminiscent of Todaiji in Nara with its dark wood and thatch. The street leading up to the temple has a wealth of lovely Meiji buildings (the Gohojin hotel is particularly pretty), as well as smaller temples which serve as lodgings and (very importantly) many shops selling my beloved oyaki!

Soba in Nagano is serious business. I had 'karashi soba', which I have never seen anywhere else. The broth (which looks vaguely disturbing) is mainly shredded daikon and miso, so has a nice kick to it.

 After that we hopped on a bus to Hakuba, which I will talk about later :)

Dating in Japan: Distance

Despite striving towards uniqueness, humanity is divided into basic types. Introverts, extroverts, doers, thinkers... those with a drive to explore the world, and those happiest to stay where they were born and raised.

In my experience, and possibly due to my experiences, I get along best with those who wish to see the world, continue to learn and challenge themselves. This, naturally, means that the people I date fit this profile.

My ex has gotten himself to China, after a great deal of effort, and now Matcha-kun is also seeking to depart the Land of the Rising Sun, to move onto Asia's economic Tiger cubs.

I understand the desire to embrace a new country, and am proud of my friends who work abroad and seek greater fortunes. It is a necessity for the Japanese economy and even society, to go out and bring back wealth and knowledge. His desire to work in English, to submit to the different rules of a different culture, as I do every day, is praiseworthy.

But I am torn. Once again the long distance curse, which is perhaps a genetic trait. Nothing is even decided yet, but I cannot help worrying. 

He knows better than to ask me to come with him, as koto teachers of my ryuha are a rarity outside of Japan. I have moved so many times, and want to experience living in one place for more than 4 years. We both can budget for regular flights, and this is certainly not the end of the world... and yet I occasionally wish that he were more tied to Tokyo, gravitationally bound to my own orbit.

Sakura Days: Mitsuike Koen and Kishine Koen

With all weather forecasts showing that it would rain over the weekend, I had resigned myself to only getting to see the (admittedly pretty) sakura on my walk to work.

 However the weather gods decided to show their favor, and we managed to have two dry, if chilly, days to enjoy the fluffiness to the max.

On Saturday a couple sharemates and I headed over to Kishine Koen for an evening hanami session. I have been trying to seek more local sights, instead of always running off to Tokyo, and this park is a great find. While there are not as many sakura as in other places, the trees they have are huge! Being rather minor, it was not crowded at all, and we got a nice bit of the wooden deck near the stream to ourselves. There is also an awesome slide, that we spent a good 15 minutes sliding down.

The following day was Mitsuike Koen's turn, a really large park with three small lakes and tons of trees. It is a bit troublesome to get to, as you have to catch the 104 bus from ShinYokohama station, but I think it was worth the trek.

 While there were lots of visitors, the sheer size of the park allows it to not feel crowded. There are plenty of places to lay out your blankets, without having to overhear the conversations of nearby groups.

 The afternoon slowly got colder, and poor Matcha-kun had shown up in a t-shirt. Fortunately I was wearing lots of layers, so lent him my oversized sweater and scarf... just to find that he looks better in it than I do! Very unfair ;p

Dating in Japan: Differences

One of the interesting/infuriating things about dating someone from another culture are the differences.  Once you have been dating someone for a while, inevitably bits of reality and issues start to crop up. And we analyze (or at least I do) each thing, trying to figure each other out.

Are these differences culturally based? Is it personality? Both? Neither? Does it even matter? Are the issues actually even about the person, or just me projecting onto them? (I am currently going with the last theory). When relationships are cross-cultural, it is all too simple to blame any dearths or 'defects' on differences in norms and upbringing.

Some differences are indeed cultural. Affection shown less in words and more in gestures and acts. A tendency towards modesty and reiteration in conversation. Others are personal. The decision to dress formally at all times. A quiet nature.

Cultural differences can be difficult, if both parties are unwilling to budge. Some are deeply ingrained, and only show up unconsciously, which can be the scariest to deal with. I think talking about things is the only way forward. People are not mind readers (as I often tell two of my 'unsatisfied' sharemates), and while some conversations are harder than others, it is better than simmering in silence.

But mostly it requires a journey inward. I am not one for 'new-agey' stuff, but I have become more concious that what we dislike in others tends to be what we dislike about ourselves. It is easier to focus on those traits in someone else, rather than accepting and dealing with them in ourselves. For those who tend to keep others at a bit of a distance, a relationship with someone from a different culture can start out feeling very 'safe', as cultural differences do have the effect of a mental wall. However that wall does not remain there forever, and you find yourself wondering again.

My apologies, this post ended up being more introspective than intended, but I would love to hear what others think about the subject.

Weekends of Excitement, Weekends of Illness

Karma seems to have caught up with me. After going 'woohoo, I am super healthy', my immune system has decided to teach me a lesson. First labyrinthitis and now a 38.6 °C fever and sore throat. Right in the middle of peak business season too *sigh*

 

But before all this medical drama, I got to do a few of my favorite things.Matcha-kun invited me to one of his group's smancy dinners, and then to a Mozart concert as well.  Getting all dressed up for fancy events and dinner is always fun. Recently I have been working on moving towards a more vintage look, and my new faux-fur swing coat is the cat's pajamas.

I then spent Saturday in Nasu with Hippy-chan and Nats-chan, running around taking pictures in the snow, checking out vintage stores and going to an awesome onsen in the mountains. Not only did it have a (cough) unusual bit of decor near the entrance, but we got to soak in the hot water while also being snowed on. So cool.

We were supposed to go skiing the next day, and I had been looking forward to it for weeks. But of course, despite the weather being perfect, my immune decided that it was the right time to break down, so I left early. Le sad. Now to go drink another liter of Pocari...

Dating in Japan: Meet the Parents

Yokohama sunsets are one of the many reasons I am glad to live in my current location. In the summer I get home right when the sky is at its most dramatic, and during the rest of the year, if I work from home, it lets me know that I am almost done.

It is under one of these stunning displays of colour that Matcha-kun asked a simple, but slightly terrifying question.

'When you have time, maybe you should come meet my parents?'

Oooh boy. He made it clear that this is not a formal '娘をください/息子をよろしく' kind of situation, but rather a detour when visiting the area... but it still freaks me out a bit. Technically it makes sense, since he intends to work outside of Japan for a bit, and so the chances of doing this at a later date are complicated by that possibility. But still...

This is a complex issue. While around here it is becoming more common for parents to meet their children's significant others earlier in a relationship, I am not sure if this is the case in the inaka. They may take this more seriously than his idea, of checking out the apple orchards, munching some apples and then popping in to say hi.

On paper, I could be mistaken as the ideal Japanese daughter in law. Well-studied, knows how to cook Japanese food, how to wear kimono, play the koto and shamisen, was a miko for a while and speaks decent Japanese. Off paper I am tall, forthright, have little interest in children and 'what the neighbours think', and speak in a rather masculine version of kansaiben. Oh, and not Japanese (like, duh).

But besides that, it seems to be indicating to potential future plans which I am not sure I wish to be a part of yet. While the average woman in these parts might be overjoyed with the idea ('いいんじやない！25 is prime marriage age!') I do not feel that is that is my case. I have been having a blast, and like things as they are right now. My goals and plans require a certain amount of freedom, and being tied to someone, no matter how wonderful and delightful, does restrict that.

Yes, I am indeed over-thinking this whole situation, but I know he doesn't do anything without thinking it through at length. And you never know how parents will react. While seeing a picture of yours truly might be just fine, actually seeing me in person with their first son might not go over quite as well. Big eyes and pale skin only work up to a certain point.

But yes, I will go. If just for the apples and seeing the sun set over someplace new.

A Sunday in Summer: Asagaya

August is Obon, fireworks and barbecues by stream and sea. It is also ghosts, sudden cooling downpours reminiscent of a negligent plant owner suddenly remembering to water his plants, and men in yukata... especially men in yukata.
And here I am, with my usual sense of timing, searching for places, plans and discounted tickets that would allow me to see everyone, have a bit of solo travel time, and not cost an arm and a leg... during one of the busiest travel times of the year.

Currently I am trying to figure out how to use the 3 day JR Kanto pass (which can be purchased by anyone with a non-Japanese passport, even if you have a visa!) to the best advantage, to hit up Karuizawa, perhaps Nagano, perhaps Shimoda, and then get myself to Nasu for a couple days of glorious Tochigi-ness... aah, the joy of norihoudai train tickets!

But enough of that, and onwards with yukata and festivals, specifically the Asagaya Tanabata Festival, with its crazy papier-mache constructions and flying takoyaki (ok, so the flying takoyaki were my own fault... that will teach me to ever wear white anywhere... and thank goodness I took pictures earlier!)

The giant alpaca and collection of crazy kitties were my favorite. Like all Tokyo festivals it was pretty crowded, but the bright colours and tasty treats made up for it (and I  learned a valuable lesson about how to get takoyaki sauce out of a white yukata). The shoutengai where the festival was held is very long, and full of interesting little stores, including a shamisen shop and a Baskin Robbins (or '31', as it is known here). I have not had BR since the age of 9, and decided it was time for a rapprochement (the Love Potion 31 flavour is amazing!).

Once the crowding got to be too much, we escaped for a couple glasses of sangria at a strange little place called Don Tsucchi, which may well be one of the narrowest 'watalian' (Wa plus Italian) joints I have ever been in. And it turned out to be the perfect place to watch my favorite part of August stroll by (aka the afore-mentioned yukata-clad gentlemen), to the amusement of the one sitting next to me.

Because, seriously, I have yet to see a guy who doesn't suddenly get a coolness upgrade by slipping on a yukata. That is the glorious thing about national costumes, they are meant to fit and flatter the basic body type of that country. The wide sleeves broaden shoulders, obi nip in waists and hug the fabric in all the right places. Geta (for those who know how to walk in them) give a bit of a swagger. And good lord does Matcha-kun look good in wafuku... now I just have to convince him to try a hakama...

Toyoko Line Love: Denenchofu

After goro goro-ing (is that a word? if not, can we make it one?) and enjoying the summer wind blowing through the house until 4pm,  Matcha-kun eventually succeeded in convincing me to go out for a walk and a drink... although it took a while, as post-business trip exhaustion seemed loath to leave me.

Denenchofu proved to be the perfect place. One side of the station leads to a nice old-fashioned shoutengai, with a series of tasteful little kimono stores and an unusually high number of dentists. As in, literally, one at every corner (like Starbucks in the US! or pharmacies in Italy!), including one with a sign in German, the main medical language until not so long ago. Perhaps the residents all have a sweet tooth?

It is obvious that the heyday of Denenchofu was during the Bubble era, as most of the buildings have that typical 80's decor, although interspersed with my favorite 'live-over-the-shop' dark wood constructions.

The opposite side of the station leads to a much fancier area, with houses the size of small castles, once again graced with odd, out-of-date features. Nonetheless, as this part is on top of a hill and covered with trees, it makes a lovely spot for a late afternoon walk, and is wonderfully cool and breezy. The celebratory drink and cake were at L'Epi D'Or, which fits in perfectly with the surrounding Bubble nostalgia: brass accents, piano in the corner and floral chandeliers ahoy!
Their seasonal cakes sell-out quickly (and we showed up at 5pm), but my fromage cake was delightful and well-priced. The iced cafe' au lait was very tasty (and served with coffee ice cubes, a nice touch) but 800 yen seems a tad steep.

A last twirl around the neighbourhood brought a couple interesting restaurants to my attention. Pasta Ri (housed in the vaguely British-looking building in the first picture) seems to have a terrace and really good reviews. Something to keep in mind for a girl's lunch or perhaps a date? A short walk from the station Daigo Sushi does Kansai-style sushi, including several types of sushi that went out of style after the Edo period! Chakin sushi (sushi wrapped in a thin omelette parcel, which apparently used to be served after tea ceremonies, according to the ever well-informed Matcha-kun) seems to be their strong suit, but they also do beautiful Kyoto-style oshi sushi and kiku sushi (chrysanthemum sushi)!

Returning home I was greeted by one of Yokohama's trademark sunsets, bursting with soft pinks and blues, a cool breeze from off the sea... and another series of carefully chosen L'Occitane goodies... seriously, how did he find out that verbena (lemon grass) is one of my favorite summer scents?! Perhaps he is a member of PsyCorps? (if you get the reference, you are awesome).

The problem with kimono

... is that there are no pockets! No matter how hard you try, it is simply not possible to stuff a camera into your obi (or at least do so in a way that does not make you look like Lumpy McLump).

Why not carry a bag, you say? Well, it is not iki. I truly believe there are few things more liberating and elegant than not carrying a bag. It shows that you do not require anything, your presence alone will ensure that everything shall be taken care of...

Of course, this is rarely possible, unless you are a Mitsubishi heiress! But, thanks to the obi, one can get away with something similar. A thin pochette, cellphone and fan all fit, and leave you looking wonderfully iki and unencumbered.

Due to a koto-related social appointment running long, I was unable to get changed before my movie date... you can well-imagine the results of showing up at Shibuya in full kimono! Nonetheless, the movie Momo he no Tegami (Letter to Momo) was beautifully done. The story takes place on a small island in the Seto Inland Sea, an incredibly beautiful area near Shikoku of which I have fond memories. Very Ghibli-esque (unsurprisingly), and the yokai characters are totally adorable!

                     

But what does ANY of this have to do with cameras?

As a giant photography snob, I am not a huge fan of pictures taken by smartphones (although I will admit Instagram can be very useful when on the road). They just do not do justice to my latest find, Hacienda del Cielo in Daikanyama. Hidden on the 10th floor of one of the average polished-looking buildings, the stunning decor and view completely blew us away. There is a huge terrace with a mixture of tables and couches, overlooking a view which stretches from Ebisu to Shinjuku. The inside is equally stunning, with a dramatic chandelier and bright mosaic. Despite all this, the food is surprisingly well-priced, with a series of little dishes for 300 yen (I recommend the frijoles)

With everyone around me getting hitched (eek!), I kept on thinking what an incredible location this would be for a party or reception... anyone getting married in Tokyo, take note!

Toyoko Line Love: Daikanyama and Nakameguro

Busy, busy, busy. The end of the end (?) of the fiscal year, along with friends and kouhai starting new jobs in Tokyo, means that even my weekends have to be carefully scheduled.

On a rainy Saturday I met Nuts-chan for a wander around Daikanyama, on the search for spring clothes and tasty food. She had more luck on the first count, but lunch was a double success. Hidden beside and somehow within an old traditional house, Bombay Bazaar has a strange Alice in Wonderland feel (perhaps enhanced by the vaguely Burtonesque bunny near the staiwell) and surprisingly cheap prices, despite the oshare location. 700 yen got us both a half-portion of the delicious, properly spicy curry and one of their famous blueberry okurayaki. I must admit, the unsweetened homemade blueberry filling was much better than anko!

Sunday, before my epic search for shoes (an enterprise never to be underestimated in any country) I met with Matcha-kun for a short date in Nakameguro, where he wanted to introduce me to a rather odd patisserie, Potager. All of their creations are vegetable based. We tried the burdock and grape tart (a tasty, earthy combination), the carrot and mango pudding (light and fluffy), a pumpkin chiffon cake (lovely and moist) and the Brussels sprout St. Honore' (hmmm... not quite). Indeed you can see the weird sprouty creation above.

(Yes, I am female and thus I take pictures of feet, and lovely feet they are indeed... plus I like the balance I got here)

After that feast of sweets (which however did not give that heavy, fluttery feeling one usually gets after having a lot of sugar) we meandered down the little shoutengai, and finally by the Meguro river, which is once again walkable, thanks to the end of sakura season. Personally, I think that the falling petals have a charm of their own, a carpet of of pink and white. Nakameguro really does have a lot going for it (which is why I have written about it so many times), and I have yet to even start on all the recycle-shops and second-hand stores hidden within the side streets. Another post perhaps?